Orlando PD Arrest Three Orlando Food Not Bombs Members for Sharing Food in a Public Park

Orlando, Fl – Three members of Orlando Food Not Bombs were arrested yesterday evening serving food to the hungry and the homeless at Lake Eola park.  Benjamin Markeson, Jessica Cross, and co-founder of the international Food Not Bombs movement Keith McHenry, were actively defying a 2006 city ordinance which bans the sharing of food in public parks to groups of more than 25 people.  Neither Mr. Markeson nor Ms. Cross were involved in sharing food and according to affidavits appear to be arrested for their leadership roles within the organization.  

Two plainclothes Orlando police officers were present throughout the 5:30 PM sharing, overtly filming the organization as they served food to more than forty people.  Given past statements from the Mayor Dyer’s press secretary, the mayor is likely directing police to avoid media coverage of enforcement of the unpopular ordinance prior to the 2012 mayoral race.  The effort made by Orlando police department to selectively enforce the ordinance and avoid arresting most of the individuals serving, appear to support this theory.

The arrests are part of a five year crusade on behalf of city mayor ‘Buddy’ Dyer, Commissioner Patty Sheehan, and other city commissioners to shut down the lake Eola sharings.  Orlando Food Not Bombs has been serving vegan meals to struggling families and the homeless in the area at least a year prior to the ordinance and view the effort on behalf of the city as merely a plank in a larger campaign to drive the poor and homeless outside of the gentrified downtown city center.  The sharings take place in the park near 500 E. Central on Monday mornings at 9:30 AM and Wednesday afternoons at 5:30 PM.   Despite the arrests Orlando Food Not Bombs has publically stated that they will not back down “until the last belly is full”.   

Among the arrested is Keith McHenry, cofounder of the Food Not Bombs movement.  The movement has its roots in 1980 when a group of anti-nuclear activists in Cambridge, Massachusetts held a bake sale to raise legal funds for a friend arrested protesting a local nuclear power plant.  Inspired by a poster they encountered as movers with the caption, “Wouldn't it be a beautiful day if the schools had all the money they needed and the airforce had to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber”, the organizers held the bake sale dressed as generals and told passerby’s that they were raising money to buy a bomber.  From these humble beginnings as a loose collection of environmental activists, Food Not Bombs has expanded to over 1,000 chapters active in over 60 countries in Europe, the Middle East, Africa, the Americas, Asia, Australia and New Zealand.  The Orlando chapter is one of 500 chapters currently active in the United States, and like all chapters in the global network the group operates in a purely democratic and non-hierarchal fashion.  More information can be found at their site at www.foodnotbombs.net.

What’s Wrong with the UCF Keep

            You may have noticed a small table in the student union distinguishable only by the pair of signs flanking it and inscribed with a promise of “FREE CANDY”.  No, that’s not a stranger attempting to lure you into an unmarked van and touch you in your naughty places. It is actually the Union’s attempt to illicit serious comments™ from students on how well the union is serving the student citizen customer.  Unfortunately, it appears that the survey is simply a template used from student unions throughout the country.  It only asks specific questions which are deemed to be acceptable and the only response is a range of options from “seriously dissatisfied” to “seriously satisfied”.

            I doubt that the Union actually understands how patronizing this is to the student body, particularly any that actually have a semblance of democratic inclinations.  What I would like to include is a short list of ideas for the student union bosses advisors/administrators, if they are serious about actually receiving student input.  No candy required!

1.      Stop treating students like children – Yes, too many modern American college students act like children.  From drunken frat brats to do nothing stoners to self-centered students of all kinds, our campus is certainly no exception to this trend.  An argument can be made for the increasing infantilization of this demographic as technology (and vast exploitation of third world countries!) has resulted in a longer life span and exceedingly comfortable lifestyle for this group.  This is not to imply that all American college students live “exceedingly comfortable lifestyles”, in fact there are many that certainly don’t, but in comparison to many other Americans this is not an unfair characterization in regards to most students.

However, this does not mean that universities should accommodate that!  It should be seriously asked why the first floor of the student union looks more like a shopping mall than a student community center.  It should be asked why we would need a video game store or a candy store on campus.  The union and the student body should seriously ponder on why in the last semester there has been more activity in the union dedicated to the Nintendo cult (honestly, what is with the white robes?), alienware, and “Konami U” than dedicated to cultivating student activism, academics, culture, and community.  It’s great that the union is so gracious to allow student groups to set up on their front lawn when businesses don’t want it, but it would be nice to see the union being as interested in student activity than in making more money to supposedly invest in student activity.

    

2.      Get out of the way – One of the reasons that you’re probably finding it difficult to get student input is not simply that you are treating the students like children, but that most students don’t feel any attachment to the union.  People tend to feel a lot more connected to endeavors in which they actually have some control over, and I don’t mean by providing “input”.  I am referring to an actual vote on what goes on in the union.

I know that this is a radical idea for America’s modern “libertarian” free market fiefdom, so let me put this in terms even the most ardent Paultard could grasp.  Our public university is not a capitalist business, regardless of what the bosses may think.  Let’s think about our founding father for a second, remember that old slogan of theirs, “No taxation without representation”?  Students should demand the same thing, “No tuition without representation”.  Not only would such a student democracy increase student involvement, it would go a long way to combating increasing infantilization, and create better citizens.  Administrators would still have a very necessary place in assisting students in advising student leaders and running the day to day operations.  In the long run the administration would benefit from the satisfaction of better fulfilling the development of the student body, not to mention having more assistance from the students in operating the union.

This point cannot be emphasized enough.  Letting students vote on who is awarded contracts, what union space is used for, what policies the union should have, etc. is not only a moral directive of a democratic society, but the only effective way of increasing student involvement.  No amount of free food, shirts, candy, and assorted crap can make up for the feeling of being actively engaged and responsible for the direction of one’s own community.

3.      Fuck the supreme court, corporations are not people – It should be added that corporations aren’t students either.  Unless students really want them to occupy virtually one-third of the union, which is something this author is unconvinced of, there should be serious reconsideration to the never ending expansion of businesses in what is theoretically owned by students. 

Space is becoming an ever rarer commodity by the day in the union.  Student groups have less space to store materials, hold meetings, and hold events.  These groups shouldn’t be marginalized by businesses simply because the Chamber of Commerce has more representation appointed to the student body than actual students.

Current student leaders with an unnerving tendency to place the concerns of the business community and the status quo over students argue that this is necessary to fund more student activities.  However, this argument falls flat not only because students have little actual authority over what happens in the union, but also because the few events that SGA approves, like “Put Down ur Cell Phone”, are typically populated predominantly by the aforementioned student leaders.  This doesn’t even mention the obvious fallacy in thinking that leads to the conclusion that crowding out student activity with handouts to businesses to fund the increasing expansion of said businesses somehow leads to more student activity.          

4.      Three “ethnically diverse” sets of shitty food is still shit – Having places that sell food in the union is not necessarily a bad thing.  However, when the majority of your choices are fast food establishments of either the “Mexican”, “Italian”, “Asian”, or unmistakably American variety, that isn’t necessarily a good thing.  While the union has taken steps forward by providing a halal eatery and a salad bar, there is still far too many overpriced shit stands crowding up the union.

This author would encourage students to push for healthier food.  Americans are gluttonous and unhealthy as it is, do we really want to encourage this by having an overabundance on fast food places?  Would it really kill us to have healthier food that we aren’t encouraged to shove into our gullets while on the run to the next thing to do.  I’d argue that it probably would kill us not to.

Also being a vegan is not really an option in the union.  It would be nice to see at least one place that actually accommodates those who are conscientious objectors to factory farming.  Orlando has seen a rapid increase in the number of successful restaurants that use no animal products.  It would be nice to see UCF follow the Orlando’s lead on this.

There you have it.  A fully elaborated critique of the UCF keep without having to be bribed with candy.  It may or may not be what you folks at the union wanted, but too bad ‘cause here it is!             

HB 1355 Only Makes Government Bigger

If there is one thing that Republicans do not like, it's youths who vote.

This may seem like a bold statement to some, but before you make your judgment, let me introduce you to House Bill 1355.

HB 1355, drafted by Speaker of the House Dean Cannon and introduced into committee by Rep. Dennis Baxley, is a 128-page rewrite of our state's election laws. The re-write itself specifically targets individuals and organizations who volunteer their time to register voters.

Provisions within the bill are numerous and dangerously detrimental to the democratic process. It would require anyone collecting voter registrations to register with the state.

This means that all organizations who wish to register voters, including student groups, must submit the names, addresses and dates of birth for all volunteers to the state. These organizations will then be required to obtain custom registration forms from the local supervisor of elections with the organization's name identified on the form.

This is done as a method of tracking, because if you submit an incorrect voter registration application, you and your organization will be penalized with a fine by the state of Florida. It should also be noted that the payment collected from these fines will no longer be utilized to increase voter education. In contrast, this money can go anywhere the government wants.

Those who support HB 1355 assert that it is a method of preventing voter fraud. By making the process more bureaucratic, they are hoping to eliminate fraudulent voter registrations. Yes, HB 1355 may succeed in doing so, but at what cost?

HB 1355, if passed, would make a traditionally easy process into a ridiculously technical one. In most cases, all you need to register a voter is a voter-registration form, a clipboard, pen and time. And that's what's so perfect about it — the simplicity of it all.

During the presidential elections of 2008, the College Democrats at UCF registered 10,775 voters. And that's just one organization of volunteers in one election cycle. Imagine what 2012 could bring. Imagine how many students will register to vote and then actually vote in 2012.

It baffles me that so much attention is being given to social issues and voting rules when our economy is what's in need of revision. The almost-governmental shutdown this past weekend is an example of this and I would like to think that we're smart enough to not waste our time on issues that do not need fixing.

Because honestly, what is so wrong with registering students to vote?

It's extremely ironic (and hypocritical) that a political party who preaches against big government would attempt to pass legislation that only encourages big government. If you want to hear what the people want, then maybe you should let us get registered to vote. Maybe you should encourage the electoral process, not diminish its possibilities.

With all of that said, I urge you to contact Speaker of the House Dean Cannon. His office drafted HB 1355, and if you're wondering why the House representative for the UCF campus would do such a thing, it's probably because his term limits are over.

I guess he wants to be remembered for destroying the student vote.

I want us to be remembered for winning it back.

This article's original publication can be found here: http://www.centralfloridafuture.com/hb-1355-only-makes-government-bigger-1.2537240

The Perils of the Great Leader Complex

It is truly a sad fate to once again find humanity choosing to forget the recent past.  I suppose it is the least arduous path to take in the face of monumental resistance, to align oneself with the monsoon wind and think it a gentle breeze.  Or instead, as much of this country has chosen, to wrap oneself in the cloak of the pretend Martyr and Revolutionary.  To see the monsoon wind not as a natural albeit grand force, but as a coming apocalypse in which the only recourse is to throw aside their better judgment and find whatever simple explanation is close at hand to fling into the colossal force of Nature.

 

1776 is super cool. Like these guys.

This is situation we find ourselves in but nearly three short years after what should have been the revelation of 2008.  That very point at which the petty façade of capitalist salvation, predicated on endless growth bought of the consumption of land and life, was ripped aside for this Nation to see what lie beneath.  We should all remember that Gorgon face of pure corruption, that casino economy financed by speculation even the speculators no longer could comprehend.  Of which could only be propped up by the wealth of a Nation taxed to the brink for financing torture camps and eternal war.  At such a point the only rational course of action would be to force the bankers of Goldman Sachs et. all, the generals and all their patsies at bayonet point into the sea.  Truly exile and poverty would have been a kindness to the lot that attempted at every turn to rob us blind of both our money and our lives.

It was Karl Marx who said, “Religion is the opiate of the masses”, a noteworthy comment on the ability of those to find solace in fantasy. A fantasy upon which to numb themselves from the wounds derived of our mortal world.  We as a Nation soothed our sufferings on Hope and Change, from the upper ranks of a party who has no recent experience with either.  Rather than prepare ourselves to fight an entrenched enemy, we gave in to transferring our uncommon mobilization and inspiration to a charismatic leader’s charm.  America’s fetish with executive power more than overcame any new found tendency for resistance.

 We are a Nation divided by both the reactionary, angry, and profoundly ignorant idols of the Right and a president who, despite the rhetoric of his followers and adversaries, has managed to continue (if not exacerbate!) many of the worst policies of his predecessor.  An interesting thing to note is that the dynamics of the present are in some profound ways the mirror image of the recent past.  During the Bush administration there was a mobilized Left opposition, facing a constantly eroding Right president with diminishing support and no real enthusiasm in the conservative grassroots movement.  Since 2008 we have witnessed the same scenario with the players inverted, as the Right mobilizes with gusto and the Left quietly sits behind their president.  The conclusion that I draw from this natural political phenomena is that this is the result of the overwhelming power of the executive leader upon American political consciousness.

Truly nothing could be more horrifying to any individual who places stock in the political will of the people.  Both parties, the media, and by extension virtually every American, measure their every political thought and deed on the words, both spoken and perceived, of one man.  I would hesitate, however, to declare that this is simply the result of an overly powerful executive branch, for I fear the problem is far more extensive than that.  I believe that this is more properly a symptom of a universal malady, one that touches upon every facet of American life.

A reasonable conjecture in my mind is that this is an ironic outcome of an attempt to ward off this very problem.  In America’s response to the so-called “communist” countries, many of our political intelligentsia believed that as means of warding off the tyranny of the Warsaw pact, that our political freedoms should be supplemented by expanded economic freedoms.  This intellectual and political crusade for free market capitalism has continued to grow relentlessly, seeking at every turn to strike down the very Keynesian safeguards which were implemented to stop exactly what happened in 1929, and nearly happened again in 2008, if not for those very ravaged protections.  Now as history repeats itself as farce, at the beginning of this century we see an even more powerful executive and far more powerful gilded class of tycoons.

The 0.8 Million Dollar Man

This “great leader” syndrome can be seen in powerful effect on the grounds of this very University.  Take for instance last week’s article in the Central Florida Future relating the ever swelling salary of our unelected president (for life) John C. Hitt (http://www.centralfloridafuture.com/hitt-one-of-nation-s-top-earners-1.2533976).  It is perhaps unfair to chide the campus ‘paper of record’ for being overly generous to president Hitt’s $800,000 salary, as it is all too unfortunately believed by students to be worth paying.  However, one can certainly find fault with the very meek criticism raised in their editorial stance within the same issue in which they made a very restrained call for sacrifice on Hitt’s behalf,  

“Some of the university presidents in the Chronicle's study realized that with their respective universities struggling to combat budget cuts it only seemed fair to give some back.  To our knowledge, Hitt hasn't done anything like this but it would be nice for him to exhibit some personal sacrifice for the university he governs — it's not like he can't afford it.”                  

While certainly a reasonable request, one has to wonder why there isn’t more outrage over the sheer size of his contract.  In addition to noting the larger sociological trend of leader worship it becomes necessary to also investigate some of the basic arguments that have been left unattended until now.

            The first issue that has not been adequately addressed in the campus media is how much of UCF’s success can be actually attributed to Hitt himself.  In virtually every defense of Hitt’s enormous paycheck is the simple correlation of any success at UCF to the mere fact that it has occurred while Hitt was president of UCF.  As any half way decent man of science would tell you correlation is not causation.  One could also point out that during Hitt’s tenure as president there have been zero incidents of radioactive mutant rabbit rampages and a continual presence of breathable oxygen at UCF.  However, both of these decidedly positive things are not necessarily the work of John C. Hitt.

            Even in the more mundane successes, while Hitt may have been involved he certainly isn’t the only person to thank for what has happened, while he happened to be president.  Like the CEO of virtually any company in America, the lion share of work and the successes they spawn are not due to the most elite member of the firm, but the tireless work of the many individuals who labor under them.  While I certainly am not in the best position to judge the effectiveness of president Hitt in comparison to previous presidents, I can certainly conclude that Hitt would be absolutely worthless without the work of all the administrators, teachers, researchers, fundraisers, lawyers, janitors, maintenance workers, accountants, secretaries, IT workers, etc. who we all rely on far more.  I can also point out that president Hitt isn’t worth several departments’ worth of workers, which is currently the rate at which we are paying him.

            The first issue that has not been adequately addressed in the campus media is how much of UCF’s success can be actually attributed to Hitt himself.  In virtually every defense of Hitt’s enormous paycheck is the simple correlation of any success at UCF to the mere fact that it has occurred while Hitt was president of UCF.  As any half way decent man of science would tell you: correlation is not causation.  One could also point out that during Hitt’s tenure as president there have been zero incidents of radioactive mutant rabbit rampages and a continual presence of breathable oxygen at UCF.  However, both of these decidedly positive things are not necessarily the work of John C. Hitt.

            Even in the more mundane successes, while Hitt may have been involved he certainly isn’t the only person to thank for what has happened, while he happened to be president.  Like the CEO of virtually any company in America, the lion share of work and the successes they spawn are not due to the most elite member of the firm, but the tireless work of the many individuals who labor under them.  While I certainly am not in the best position to judge the effectiveness of president Hitt in comparison to previous presidents, I can certainly conclude that Hitt would be absolutely worthless without the work of all the administrators, teachers, researchers, fundraisers, lawyers, janitors, maintenance workers, accountants, secretaries, IT workers, etc. who we all rely on far more.  I can also point out that president Hitt isn’t worth several departments’ worth of workers, which is currently the rate at which we are paying him.

            Paying Hitt this much is more than a gross waste of valuable resources at a time we cannot afford to spend them.  It also feeds the great leader complex which is poison to Democracy and the wellbeing of the people.  By overvaluing the contribution of CEO’s, University presidents, and other such powerful leaders we undervalue our own contributions and those of the vast majority of people.  The only conclusion that such a process will lead to is one that can only lead to our own enslavement.  

Notification of Retraction, Sincerest Apologies, and Vow to Uphold Higher Standards of Quality in Our Reporting

Dear Readers of the Vanguard Voice,

It has come to my attention that an article of reporting within this publication contained elements which were considered by one of our readers to be both slanderous and inaccurate.  Upon inspection of the article in question I found more than one occurrence of descriptions that I have also deemed to indeed be both slanderous in nature and grossly inaccurate.  It is with great shame that I must disclose that I was the author of this article.

The reporting in question was in regards to a vote last month within the student senate on whether to conduct a referendum on several bills being considered by the Florida legislature which could potentially lead to racial profiling and possible harassment of foreign nationals or those with darker skin.  The debate inflamed passions considerably, no less in the consideration of this humble reporter.  Such tempers did disturb the better judgment and caused me to make unfounded and spurious accusations.  To those affected by these attacks I can only offer my sincere apologies and the immediate retraction of those offending passages.

It is the nature, particularly of the socialist man, to find ones self in a position of ceaseless struggle against a powerful opposition.  From such a background the most useful and necessary tool in the arsenal of any advocate for the oppressed is the fire of righteous indignation.  Yet such a tool can be dangerous even in the hands of great men and women, and can all too often lead to harmful exaggeration born of a loss of discipline.  This loss of focus cannot be permitted in any serious publication, and it is my solemn vow to ensure that redoubled efforts are made to ensure that such errors are avoided in the future.

To this end I pledge that the editors of the Vanguard Voice will make a greater effort to ensure quality articles, in line with the goal of informing the UCF student, and promoting a more logical and just society.  While we will most certainly call out those who are committing malicious acts, in the strongest of terms, we will do so in a manner that is fair to all parties involved.  We encourage our readers to inform us of any issues they have with our articles, either by posting their comments or by reporting possible unwarranted characterizations via an email care of iwhanen@yahoo.com.  We hope that you will continue to provide your patronage to this growing publication, as we shall endeavor to provide you with content that meets the high standards we wish to set.

Sincerest Apologies and Kindest Regards,

Hanen Wuifde Indruisen

Universal Knights: How to Blow $200,000 on a Field Trip to an Amusement Park

On Monday March 14^th, of this year the Darfur Awareness Organization went before the Conference Registration and Travel Committee of the student senate to request funding for a conference to Washington D.C.  The organization needed funds to be able to send four UCF students to a conference to help train them to be anti-genocide activists.  As the organization donates all the money it collects to Invisible Children, a charity that helps provide clean water, education, and other essentials to children in a war torn region, they especially needed the financial assistance that the SGA could provide.  Despite asking for less than a tenth of what is often allocated to other organizations to send far fewer of its members to conference, the SGA tabled their request indefinitely.  Why?  Well the CRT committee had stopped reviewing bills because they were pretty much broke.

Despite the heavy promotion made by SGA about the $17 million from the Activity and Service Fee it has available to allocate, only a small fraction goes to student groups.  Last year out of the $15 million in the account only about 6% of the funds were allocated to student groups for events, conferences, and materials.  Although the Activity and Service Fee funds large expenses for such mainstays as the Student Union and the Recreation and Wellness Center, it also maintains its fair share of frivolous spending.  Case in point: the $200,000 field trip/giveaway of student funds to a major corporation/SGA moneygasm established in the 36^th student senate, also known as Universal Knights.

Corporate Moneygasm!  This is what "Fiscal Responsibility" looks like.

Signed, appropriately enough, on Halloween night 2003, Resolution 32-03 Universal Knights Spring Event established this yearly contribution to the poor, starving NBCUniversal Studio corporation.  This resolution provided students the opportunity to “share in the benefits of our unique living experience in Central Florida” by sending these overwhelmingly privileged young adults to an amusement park they could afford on their parents money anyway.  In short, the resolution provides the mandate for SGA to buy tickets from Universal Studios with student money and then give them to other students, despite the fact that the event is not on campus, does not raise the profile of UCF in any meaningful way, or provide any sort of cultural, educational, and/or civic benefit to students.  Also despite the large number of tickets that are bought from student fees and then redistributed (communism!), the amount of tickets are limited.  This means that this A&SF funded event is technically not open to all UCF students, which could possibly be construed as an illegal use of such funding according to state law.

SGA: Redistributing the Wealth, for Good of Motherland

This Thursday the student senate will have a special session from 18:00 to 23:00 hours to review and approve the Activity and Service Fee budget.  This year the Activity and Service Fee Committee has requested $180,000 for the line item “Spring Event” (ie. Universal Knights).  Unfortunately, it’s highly unlikely that student senate will act on their own to stop this childishly irresponsible splurging of your money, especially when you consider that SGA members have Universal Knights tickets specially reserved for them.  However, that doesn’t mean that this can’t be stopped.  There will be an open forum at the beginning, as in all senate meetings, for students to come to and voice their displeasure about this or any other aspect of the budget.  You can also contact your college senators at http://www.ucfsga.com/find-your-senator, and let them know this is the sort of wasteful spending that is remembered at the ballot box.  We here at the Vanguard Voice feel that this $180,000 would be much better spent on UCF events, student research, civic engagement, etc. and strongly encourage our reader to make such sentiments clear to everyone in SGA.                         

President Elect Pizza Calls for Genocide Trial of Elections Commissioners

Courtesy of our trans-dimensional bureau X-43.

Bizzarolando, Florida – In the past week the University of Corner Florida has been the site of one of the most horrific scenes of ethnic cleansing in the history of the Confederate States of America. Millions of pizza peoples were shipped from their native strip malls within thirty minutes or less, to concentration camps erected throughout the campus. Whereupon they were chopped into slivers while still warm and feed to vicious roving gangs of starving students. The pitiless student population tore into their cheesy flesh leaving trails of sauce and shredded toppings in their wake. Work crews are still searching for survivors amidst the many discarded camps and mass pizza box pits.

Transport Containers for Pizza People extracted from a Student Union mass grave by international aid workers.

University of Corner Florida President-Elect Papa J. Pizza has issued a statement calling upon the International Criminal Court to try Elections Commissioner Hasen Relkcem on charges of genocide, ethnic cleansing, and criminal douchebaggery. In a statement from a recent speech given by President Pizza he called on the international community to band together to ensure that this tragedy does not repeat itself. “My people’s flesh may be delectable when freshly baked, our tasty toppings may bring all the boys to the yard, but this does not excuse the mass munching of our people”, said President-Elect Pizza. “We must find Relkcem and snack upon him, as he did snack upon us.” When asked by reporters whether retribution was called for instead of conciliation and understanding, President-Elect Pizza responded by calling the press core “utterly useless pussies” and instructed them to “suck [his] salty sausage”.

Remains of a pizza person found near the business administration region.

Commissioner Relkcem has fled to the Towers where he is amassing an army of SGA campaigners and establishing training camps around the stadium to wage jihad upon the pizza tribes. In a taped interview sent to the Corner Florida Future Relkcem made the following statement, “It is the will of the great Election that we subjugate every pizza, and sacrifice them to ensure the success of this most holy of rituals and campus Traditions”. In response to pressure from the International community Elections Commissioner Relkcem warned that, “Any opposition to the will of the Election will be met with my mighty army of campaigners occupying the Student Union and waging a never ending presidential campaign”, adding “So chew on that, bitches.”

Elections Commissioner Hasen Relkcem in taped interview with the Courner Florida Future

This Thursday the senate will be considering a motion brought by President-Elect Pizza’s supporters to institute a no-fly zone over the union alongside preparations for a full scale invasion of the Towers. Opponents of the proposal note the decade long war against trees and the occupation of the arboretum. Senator Amtt Sobra is skeptical of military intervention and noted the continuing costs of the current wars waged by the student government. “Do you know how many trees there are in the arboretum? Shitloads, literally shitloads.” Senator Sobra continued, “We’ve already spent enough in blood and bullion killing insurgent Oaks and their hippie supporters. How many more have to suffer splinters and ticks in that struggle alone? We just can’t afford it anymore.” If the motion is successful, forces could be deployed to the North Eastern campus as soon as next Monday. The trans-dimensional bureau X-43 of the Vanguard Voice will continue to report upon this story as it develops.

UCF hypocritically awarded Tree Campus USA Award

This morning, UCF received a Tree Campus USA award from the Arbor Foundation. Arriving over 30 minutes late to the award ceremony, UCF President Dr. Hitt accepted this award on behalf of the entire university, but many of the students in attendance were opposed to hypocritically accepting the award.

Currently, the UCF Administration is filing a petition to St. John's River Management District to reconsider the current determination status of the 7.8 acre plot within the arboretum. The current determination is 'wetland.' If St John's finds that the current determination status is invalid due to the damage done by both natural (hurricane) and unnatural involvement (UCF Administration illegally violating the terms of the lands's Conservation Easement), the land is 1 step closer to the lifting of the conservation easement--which means there will no longer be legal obstacles preventing UCF from beginning construction.

Earlier this week, UCF students voted 87.81% in favor of "the continued conservation, protection, and current determination status of the 7.85 acre area of the UCF Arboretum". Did UCF Administration listen to the student's input? Nope.

The night before receiving the Tree Campus USA award, UCF Vice President William Merk came to the weekly UCF Student Government Senate meeting to discuss the referendum's results. When asked if the UCF Administration planned on aborting the petition to St. John's Water Management District to reconsider the current determination status of the Arboretum, Merk said that the UCF Administration was continuing with petition process (despite the student's opposition), and that it would be up to St. John's Water Management District to consider the student's input. This is yet again another example of how the UCF Administration is running purely on their own agenda--blatantly ignoring the input of the UCF Students and Faculty.

The reconsideration of the determination status is costing UCF $7,020. That's $7,000 that the student's don't want to spend.

Before ceremoniously handing the award to Dr. Hitt, the Arbor Foundation gave a brief presentation outlining the economic and social benefits of trees. Instead of mentioning the obvious environmental necessity that trees create (reducing carbon dioxide, providing natural forest habitats for animals), they started by spitting out statistics that show an increased number of sales at merchants who plant trees outside their urban market places.

Fortunately, the student's voices were not silenced.

Student and community representatives came and distributed material to those in attendance that outlined the history of UCF's many illegal breaches of the conservation easement. Throughout the presentation, the students stood respectfully in protest of the hypocrisy holding a "Save The Arboretum" banner, which was signed by dozens of Student Organizations during the campaign for the referendum. When Dr. Patrick Bohlen (Director of Landscape and Natural Resources at UCF) said his closing remarks, the students in attendance were informed that Q&A was *not* part of the agenda.

On one hand, UCF Administration is planting 300 new trees in urban landscaping.

On the other hand, UCF Administration is pursuing the lifting of the conservation easement on the Arboretum, which would allow for the destruction of 7.8 acres of trees that the students have voted to protect.

Hypocrisy? I think so. Green washing? You bet.

Student Senator Receives Presidential Medal of Freedom for Sexual Experiments with Electricity

Courtesy of our trans-dimensional bureau X-43.

Mr. Worrum, Trans-dimensional correspondent: The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world. 

Bizzarolando, Florida – University of Corner Florida student and electrical engineering major Lachiem Dleiftla was awarded the Medal of Freedom last night from President Sarah Palin for his sexual discoveries involving electricity. Mr. Dleiftla, a junior senator representing the 1/3^rd seat within the college of Computer Science and Engineering was given high praise from the president for his innovative use of his penis. “This student right here shows why America is the most Freedomy place on the planet. His commitment to small government values is what I believe we need to pragmatize the war on terror.”, President Palin said, before she ran out of characters on her twitter feed, at which point she threw a tantrum and smeared feces on reporters while making grunting noises to the tune of “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey.

Mr. Dleiftla partnered with members of the Institute for Synergistic Techonolgasims to perform a groundbreaking experiment on a new interface between man and machine. The group published a paper highlighting the results of sticking their penises into an electrical outlet. According to their research, sticking their penises into an electrical outlet caused a significant decrease in sexual arousal and a 62% increase in fires caused by burning pubic hair. “We kind of thought that the electrons would get all up ons our penises and well, sex,” said research asistant and computer science senior Nollic Drawrof, “That totally didn’t happen”.

The students are currently investigating biomechanical data transmission via USB port. According to sources working within the IST labs, the team is currently struggling with the inverse of the classic “Square block, round hole” paradox. So far methods by student researchers to insert their penises into USB ports have meet with little success and several hospital visits.

2011 UCF Presidential Election Results or The Battle of Who Could Care Less

March 30^th, 2011 – After the three days of campaigning, the winners of the food fight emerge.  Your new president is Mathew McCann, who will be sworn in with vice president elect Adam Brock.  In total 10,237 students voted in this election, with 6,105 votes going to the victors, 3,875 votes going to Nicholas Gurney and Fernando Gonzalez, and additional 257 votes going to write-in candidates.  After years of runoff elections and down to the wire votes this is the most lopsided vote in the last five years with a tally of 59.6% to 37.9% to 2.5%.

Figure 1: Ass-Whooping Redefined

 The total number of votes cast represents about 18.2% of the total student population.  This kind of voter turnout pales in comparison to even Afghanistan (http://bit.ly/gnwGie), a place where historically votes are more likely to be inscribed on bullets than ballots.  Granted this is probably in part due to the UCF student instinctively realizing that neither presidential candidate will have much power to do anything nor, more importantly, would try to mount a resistance anyway.  More on that, but let us look at the more important votes of the evening after the break.

Figure 2: Approximate Vote Counts Over the Last Six Presidential Elections

Figure 3: OMG, you just made Lady Liberty Cry.  At worst you're dodging douchebags around the Student Union, not daisy cutters in the desert!

At 7,866 votes, representing 89.19% of respondents, UCF students overwhelmingly voted for a constitutional amendment which would require the UCF president to respond within 15 weeks to any legislation that has been vetoed by the Senior Student Affairs Officer.  What is important about this is that it is an attempt by SGA to actually stand up to the administration, albeit very weakly.  The student senate debated for quite some time about how long they should wait for an opinion from the $500,000+ man.  A proposal of 8 weeks was rejected as being to bold, because President Hitt has more important things to do then read a bill voted on by student representatives. We obviously do not pay him enough to read pieces of legislation which are on average an entire one page long and then make a decision on what he read.  Dealing with students at a forum once or twice a year is work enough.  What do we expect from a man whose salary is on par with an entire department?

The problem with this amendment though is simple.  After the Senior Student Affairs Officer (currently Vice President Maribeth Ehasz) unilaterally vetoes a bill, the senate has to override the veto before it goes to the UCF president.  Regardless of how long Hitt takes to respond, he can still confirm the veto and students have absolutely no recourse.  This is the big untold secret of student government, as it really makes it simply a means of the administration appearing to appease student concerns.  At least now Hitt can’t simply ignore the issue and wait for students to graduate, hoping to duck any controversy entirely.

The second constitutional amendment to pass was one which requires the president and vice president to give a report to senate each semester detailing which committees they’re on and what they’re doing.  This passed with 8,253 votes, representing 93.04% of the respondents.  Essentially this appears to have gestated from senate’s rivalry with (now) former president Kilbride, mostly over his decision to keep the Knightmare fiscal database within the hands of the comptroller and a few financial committee chairs.  For the most part this amendment does little except provide slightly more transparency (mostly to senate representatives anyway).  This decision is probably a good thing in the long run, but nothing to get excited over.

However the third question on the ballot was probably the only reason to vote (considering the senate’s inability to pass the racial profiling referendum).  This question had to do with student concerns over protecting about 7.85 acres of arboretum land that the UCF administration is currently reviewing the status of with the St. John’s Water Management District.  This move most likely indicates that they are intending to use the land for construction of some kind.  Several environmental groups have already been working on the issue and reaped the rewards of 7,854 students, of which 87.81% respondents voted to support the continued preservation of the nearly eight acres of arboretum land.

Unlike the first constitutional amendment, students have made a clear stand in support of the continued conservation of the arboretum despite the possible designs to the contrary.  The student groups working to protect that land can now claim the support of an overwhelming majority of involved UCF students.  This makes it more difficult for university officials to simply build on that land without facing a potential PR nightmare.  This is definitely a victory for the UCF environmental groups who are working to protect the arboretum.

Unfortunately, the presidential elections don’t appear to have really been worth all the pizza shed for the cause.  Neither ticket had student leaders who had any history or even stated intent of challenging the lack of student representation on this campus.  Both tickets are very much connected to fraternal organizations with two of the candidates serving in leadership roles within the Interfraternity Council, of which Adam Brock has served as president.  Unfortunately, this will probably only exasperate the fraternal hold over the student government which has done more to represent the UCF administration rather than the 90% of non-fraternal students.   

All four candidates had experience in various positions within SGA, and not much to show for it.  The winning candidate hails from the most useless branch of student government, the judicial branch.  The only time the judicial branch is let out of the closet is to investigate the possibility of excusing parking tickets.  In his resignation speech, Mr. McCann attempted to defend the branch he lead with the mock trials they held, using an example of a trial involving the theft of a chocolate quiddich egg from Hogwarts, effectively arguing against the importance of the judiciary in its current form.  The vice-president’s major achievement was negotiating knight-lynx.  A somewhat successful initiative to partner with lynx to expand public transport.  Unfortunately, this initiative is mostly to local bars at late hours earning the knight-lynx buses the dubious nickname of “drunk busses”.

More disturbingly neither candidate made any mention of the upcoming budget cuts.  The $3.3 billion budget cuts being proposed in the Florida legislature to set to devastate statewide K-20 education.  Such budget cuts will greatly threaten everything the university does, not to mention forcing a dramatic increase in tuition.  Such an increase would only be able to be fought off by dedicated student leaders, willing to stand up to both the state government and the UCF administration.  It’s unfortunate for us that it looks like we don’t have such leaders.

Introduction to the SGA Nomenklatura: The Senate Leadership Council

For those with any experience with the Student Government Association at our university, one of the most salient points that one comes away with is the extremely insular nature of the institution. Despite being elected by the student body, the student senate is no exception to this malady. For all the talk of wanting to “reach out to” students to “engage” them, there are mechanisms in place to defeat any attempt at opening the institution outside the SGA family. One of the most odious of these is the Senate Leadership Council, senate’s own means of creating its own poor man’s attempt at emulating the soviet nomeklatura.

On paper the SLC is a mentorship program, meant to initiate people into senate with mentors and via assigning the mentored students with duties to teach them how senate is to work. The SLC program is outlined in Senate Rule IX, which can be viewed here http://bit.ly/gw9TQ2. The SLC is a selective membership organization overseen by the legislative assistant, and limits its membership according to the decision of the aforementioned assistant and the ad-hoc committee that oversees it. If you think that this sounds an awful lot like a fraternity, you wouldn’t be the only one with that perception. Members of senate (largely fraternal in background) have a hard time discerning between the two. There are constant jokes relating SLC members to pledges, and even an incident in which the speaker of the senate almost referred to these members as “littles” on the senate floor (a fraternal term for a mentored person who is referred to as a little brother or sister).

Beyond the attempt to instill a fraternity within a legislature meant to represent 90% of the student body that isn’t involved in “Greek life”, is the more dubious purpose of SLC. The Senate Leadership Council acts as means to stifle opposition to the senate majority by replacing retiring senators with yes-men handpicked by senate leaders. More than five members appointed to the 43^rd senate alone hail from the SLC, representing the majority of the replacements confirmed by senate. Despite their lack of experience, understanding of governance, goals, and actual approval by the student body, these students are consistently rubber stamped into senate seats.

In contrast, when former student senator, chair, and presidential candidate Austin Smith was up for appointment he was rejected by the senate. Despite the fact that Mr. Smith had ran for one of the then 5 empty graduate senate seats unfilled at the end of the election (now six empty graduate college seats). By all rights Mr. Smith and the other graduate candidates should have been placed in one of those many empty seats when there were no other contenders for them at the end of the fall ‘10 election session. However, he was rejected in a noxious display of hypocrisy when notoriously corrupt senator Jeremy Pozin argued that Mr. Smith’s political campaigns with the Students for a Democratic Society were too radical for him to be considered a viable appointment. This was in blatant violation of statute IX, 1101.13 which requires that senate pick appointments on qualification rather than political ideology (see: http://bit.ly/i4KaeO). Not to mention this was in addition to Pozin’s own drunken escapades while in an official SGA capacity. Mr. Smith was unable to break the two-thirds threshold for appointments, displaying the priority of a senate more concerned with fraternal allegiance and personal politics than in representing the students.

There have been suggestions in the past emanating from the progressive wing of Senate that SLC should be opened up to all students by eliminating the arbitrary cut off and selective membership procedures. These very reasonable calls to modify SLC have been answered by the inane concern that without the limit SLC would be unable to pay for all the polo’s and informational folders which were (laughably) considered critical for the functioning of the organization. The calls for such reform were dropped as many progressive senators left in disgust with the current senate and were replaced with SLC “littles”.

The current Senate Leadership Council is an abomination, and should be immediately reformed or discontinued. In its current form it serves as a blatant means of maintaining a political pH that is in line with the senate leadership’s views and its fraternal nature, rather than the actual views of the student body. There is no logical reason why a senate so supposedly hungry for student involvement would go to such lengths to restrict membership in an organization meant to model future student leaders. It’s time to call for the end of the SGA’s petty nomenklatura.

Breaking News: Mothers Lock up Your Doritos

March 24, 2010 – Revolution, recession, tsunamis, nuclear fallout, were just the beginning.  Now they are after our vending machines.  Campus police have issued the following All Points Bulletin on the frito bandito: http://bit.ly/hBav2c.

Marshall the Menace - He's a Hungry, Hungry Hippo 

Apparently this notorious Fiend is suspected of stalking members of the vending automaton community within the main campus.  UCF PD believe that under cover of darkness Mr. Marshall preys upon lone automatons in sketchy parts of the campus, and then descends upon them in a crowbar frenzy that can only be born of a madman induced by a diet of ding-a-lings and broken dreams.                

Authorities urge members of the University to panic, panic, fucking PANIC.  He is to be considered highly dangerous when not on the couch, and will be known by the trail of Cheeto dust in his wake.  If encountered on campus do not feed, and immediately contact UCF police at 407-823-5555.  If found outside the campus call your local law enforcement agency (or FBI!) or contact Crimeline at 407-423-TIPS( 8477).  Remember, only you can prevent fresca-cide.

Where Our Senate Stands on Student Participation

The records disclosed to this publication reveal the standing of senators on last week's controversial (to SGA) proposal to allow a question regarding racial profiling legislation onto the ballot.  Here is the breakdown of that vote both on second and the subsequent third readings of that legislation.

Second Reading		Third Reading
For	Against	For	Against
*LJR Chair Gilson	PT. Miller	*LJR Chair Gilson	PT. Miller
CRT Chair Gonzalez	DPT. Hardman	CRT Chair Gonzalez	DPT. Hardman
*CFC Chair Bryant	DPT. Friefeld	FAO Chair DeSanti	DPT. Friefeld
GAC Chair Hellinger	SPR Chair Evangelista	GAC Chair Hellinger	SPR Chair Evangelista
FAO Chair DeSanti	SLC Chair Bormel	*CFC Chair Bryant	E&A Chair Land
Sen. Ossa	E&A Chair Land	Sen. Warrick	SLC Chair Bormel
↓Sen. Goodson-Orr	Sen. Sonntag	Sen. Lane	Sen. Kaplan
Sen. Simons	Sen. Evans	Sen. Simons	↓Sen. Centenaro
Sen. King	Sen. Kaplan	Sen. King	Sen. Sonntag
Sen. López	Sen. Shapiro	Sen. López	↓Sen. Goodson-Orr
↓Sen. Centenaro	Sen. Katz	↑Sen. Andriotis	Sen. Evans
Sen. Lane	Sen. Rits	Sen. Atlfield	Sen. Shapiro
Sen. Atlfield	Sen. Jones	Sen. Besley	Sen. Katz
Sen. Besley	*Sen. Bardzell	Sen. Ossa	Sen. Rits
Sen. Warrick	↑Sen. Andriotis	↑Sen. Moesch	Sen. Jones
↓Sen. Arbos	*Sen. Muniz		*Sen. Bardzell
	↑Sen. Moesch		*Sen. Muniz
			↓Sen. Arbos
Key * - Appears to have voted same way on both readings. ↑ - Went from voting against on second reading, to voting for in third reading. ↓ - Went from voting for on second reading, to voting against in third reading. LJR – Legislative, Judicial, and Rules Committee. CRT – Conference, Registration and Travel Committee. FAO – Financial Allocations for Organizations Committee GAC – Governmental Affairs Committee. SPR – Services and Public Relations Committee. E&A – Elections and Appointments Committee. CFC – College Facilitation Committee. SLC – Senate Leadership Committee. PT. – Pro-Tempore. DPT – Deputy Pro-Tempore.

Here is the breakdown by college, on the vital third reading:

Click to ENLARGE

Click to ENL:ARGE

For those who would like to speak to their senator about their inability to allow a question to be voted on by the student body, here are the SGA e-mail addresses of those who voted against the referendum, broken down by college.  If you want to let your elected representatives what you think:

College of Arts and Humanities

• Pro-Tempore Miller - sga_pro@ucf.edu
• Senator Arbos - sga_cah3@ucf.edu

College of Business Administration

• Deputy Pro Tempore Hardman - sga_ba7@ucf.edu
• Deputy Pro Tempore Friefeld - sga_ba2@ucf.edu 
• Senator Sonntag - sga_ba5@ucf.edu
• Senator Centenaro - sga_ba4@ucf.edu

College of Education

• Senator Shapiro - sga_ed2@ucf.edu
• Senator Jones - sga_ed3@ucf.edu
• Senator Katz - sga_ed4@ucf.edu

College of Sciences

• E&A Chair Land - sga_ea@ucf.edu
• SPR Chair Evangelista - sga_spr@ucf.edu
• SLC Chair Bormel - sga_slc@ucf.edu
• Senator Kaplan - sga_sci3@ucf.edu
• Senator Bardzell - sga_sci4@ucf.edu
• Senator Goodson - Orr - sga_sci5@ucf.edu
• Senator Evans - sga_sci8@ucf.edu
• Senator Rits - sga_sci9@ucf.edu

College of Hospitality / Rosen

• Senator Muniz - sga_hm1@ucf.edu