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| Mr. Worrum, Trans-dimensional correspondent: The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world. |
Bizzarolando, Florida – University of Corner Florida student and electrical engineering major Lachiem Dleiftla was awarded the Medal of Freedom last night from President Sarah Palin for his sexual discoveries involving electricity. Mr. Dleiftla, a junior senator representing the 1/3rd seat within the college of Computer Science and Engineering was given high praise from the president for his innovative use of his penis. “This student right here shows why America is the most Freedomy place on the planet. His commitment to small government values is what I believe we need to pragmatize the war on terror.”, President Palin said, before she ran out of characters on her twitter feed, at which point she threw a tantrum and smeared feces on reporters while making grunting noises to the tune of “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey.
Mr. Dleiftla partnered with members of the Institute for Synergistic Techonolgasims to perform a groundbreaking experiment on a new interface between man and machine. The group published a paper highlighting the results of sticking their penises into an electrical outlet. According to their research, sticking their penises into an electrical outlet caused a significant decrease in sexual arousal and a 62% increase in fires caused by burning pubic hair. “We kind of thought that the electrons would get all up ons our penises and well, sex,” said research asistant and computer science senior Nollic Drawrof, “That totally didn’t happen”.
The students are currently investigating biomechanical data transmission via USB port. According to sources working within the IST labs, the team is currently struggling with the inverse of the classic “Square block, round hole” paradox. So far methods by student researchers to insert their penises into USB ports have meet with little success and several hospital visits.
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